I am continuing this short series of limericks that Lloyd Douglas published anonymously in the Michigan Daily during the Fall of 1919. They are aimed at freshmen at the University of Michigan, giving them advice on campus life. An upperclassman, called “The Old-Timer” advises the “Newcomer.” Today’s subject comes in two parts. It’s called “Concerning Romance.”
Concerning Romance (a)
The Newcomer Says:
‘Most every day I sneak away
Where not a soul can find me;
And there I write with all my might,
To the girl I left behind me.
She is a dear (would she were here!)
But she’ll not go to college;
In Junior High, she heaved a sigh,
And gave up seeking knowledge.
But I’ll say she looks good to me,
Whate’er her lack of learning;
I twang the lyre, for half a quire,
Some days when I am yearning.
If you were I, would you not buy
A ring for this fair Treasure?
I think I can (installment plan)
‘Twould bring us both much pleasure.
The Old Time Replies:
Unless I miss my guess in this,
You now have in the making,
A sad, sweet lay to chant some day,
When your two hearts are breaking.
Five years from now I wonder how
You’ll like her conversation;
When you have been crammed to the chin
With higher education.
Oh yes, my friend, I comprehend –
‘Absence – the heart grow fonder’ –
But later, when you meet again,
You will have passed beyond her.
Far better wait and contemplate
This course before you take it:
Why win her heart while you’re apart;
Then feel obliged to break it?
Concerning Romance (b)
The Newcomer Says:
Perhaps you are right, Old Wisdom Light –
I see your point quite clearly:
I might be led to some co-ed
Whom I could love as dearly.
In fact, today, there crossed my way
A most entrancing vision;
I would have smiled, had that sweet child
Not marched with such precision.
She seemed so wise, would you advise
That I should try to meet her?
For instance, when we pass again,
Should I attempt to greet her?
Or should I wait some turn of Fate
To furnish introduction?
Or boldly trace her rooming place;
Please – what is your deduction?
The Old Timer Replies:
Pathology – page sixty-three –
Explains your case verbatim:
At eighteen years, a germ appears –
(No doctor can get at ‘em).
And, for a time, youth takes to rhyme –
Exuding sticky sonnets
Inspired by girls with radiant curls
Projecting from their bonnets.
This curious germ works for a term,
Producing pain and sorrow;
In love with May or Maude today –
In love with Madge tomorrow.
You’re stricken, now, with Abstract Love –
And while the bug is touring,
You’ll see a face, ‘most any place
Resistlessly alluring.
The Lloyd C Douglas Page 