This is the last of this short series on limericks that Lloyd Douglas published anonymously in the Michigan Daily in the Fall of 1919. An upperclassman gives advice to freshmen. There are two limericks today: “Concerning Raiment,” and “Concerning Discipline.”
CONCERNING RAIMENT
The Newcomer Says:
Last week Bill Jones spent 60 bones
On personal adornment:
Bill rooms with me, so you can see
How that would cause forlornment.
For I must save what chink I have
To spend on food and shelter;
While Bill can throw his father’s dough
Around quite helter-skelter.
Sometimes I feel I’d rather steal
Than wear this store-bought clothing;
I look a fright – the very sight
Fills me with utter loathing.
Today Bill said, ‘What’s in your head?
Why mind a little lying?
My Dad I wired ‘More books required,’
And he came through a-flying.
‘Your folks will do the same for you,
Just pad your memorandum.
A little more won’t make ‘em sore,
When your account you hand ‘em.’
However much I hate to lie
And know it is unlawful,
My trousers feel like bags of meal,
Too wide, too long, too awful!
The Old Timer Replies:
Queer circumstance! A pair o’ pants
Costs this Newcomer’s reason;
I didn’t know that wool would go
As high as that this season.
Concoct your lie and get it by!
The breeches! Go, and win ‘em!
You’ll look so cute in your new suit –
And feel so happy in ‘em!
CONCERNING DISCIPLINE
The Newcomer Says:
Last night at nine some friends of mine,
Whom I have met quite lately,
Strolled in to call from ‘cross the hall.
I greeted them sedately.
They seemed inclined to let me find
A theme for conversation,
So I told all I could recall
Of High School recreation –
The medal that I captured at
Our contest in athletics;
The prize I won when we put on
The amateur dramatics –
I told them, too, what I’ve told you
Of her whose heart I’ve broken.
Said they, ‘Too bad – ‘tis very sad;
Such words should ne’er be spoken.’
I hope that they come back some day,
Their visit was delightful;
Though I could see they envied me
They were not one bit spiteful.
The Old Timer Replies:
My friend, this means you’ve spilled the beans:
I shudder at your story.
No doubt these men will come again,
But when they do, be sorry.
Hereafter when some genial men
Drop in for conversation
Be careful lest you prove a pest
Inviting castigation.
Last year a lad – he was not bad,
Just talkative and flighty –
Addressed a loud and merry crowd
On State Street in his nightie.
The Lloyd C Douglas Page 